She told me I used to drag my doll around the house, gripping her by the hair, her legs dragging on the floor. Was I going to turn out to not be the nurturing kind?
But now, mom has watched me go through these years of infertility, and sees me face the likely reality of living child-free. (see, I can’t even say NEVER, yet).
And she told her friend this: “I wish I could carry her baby for her.”
Not to mention she knows her girl parts couldn’t possibly support that, but to hear her want to give a gift like that to me moved me. A wonderful friend offered as well – but estrogen is bad, bad, bad for a breast cancer survivor.
Even though this is not on my mind as often these days, it forms a bit of an undercurrent that will always be there, sort of like how it is when someone dies. You don’t ever forget them, and you think of them tenderly, but they will never be part of your life.
The other night my husband cried in his sleep. In the dream, someone at work casually asked the question, “So, do you have kids?”
The flood of emotions comes through at unexpected times.
Sorry for not blogging reliably! I’m deciding what to do with this blog, since my focus is shifting. What’s happening now? Photography – and I am happy to say I sold 2 framed prints this month! My goal is to have a website up by next spring to sell my work. That is BIG for me.
And a tip for you: check out Mumm’s at the bottom of Napa Valley. Yum. A girl day, drinking champagne in the sun and ooh-ing at their fantastic photography gallery. Enjoy!